Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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