If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
