i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
