i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
