When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
