I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
