I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
