haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
