I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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