Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
