I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
