I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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