the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
