I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
