He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
