I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
