do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
smell my finger.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Randomize
