You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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