Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
