So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
