I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
