I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
