dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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