i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
