i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
