I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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