yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
