Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
