New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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