it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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