is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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