when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
