Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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