Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
