btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
