can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
