apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
