At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
