Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
