He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
