Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
