Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
