ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
