Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
