mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
