watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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