Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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