i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
