We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Shame - the story of my life.
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