Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
