It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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