I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
