what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
